When attending a Super Bowl party (or any other sporting event for that matter), it’s important to plan ahead and know what you’ll be drinking. Heaven forbid you’re “that person” who shows up at a party empty handed, expecting to drink the patrons’ finest vintages. I don’t think so! Not if you’re at my Super Bowl party! You’ll be getting my “finest bottle” of Sauvingnon Blanc if you try that (if there really is such a thing as a fine bottle of Sauv Blanc) or a Bud Light if we even have any around. So to avoid that, it’s best to decide which route you’ll be taking while watching the game before you ever arrive: Wine or beer?
With beer, once you “break the seal” you’ll be heading to the bathroom every 30 minutes. If you’re a guy, you’ll stand there as the dam continues to empty, waiting endlessly … for ……. it ……….. to ………… finally ……………. (almost!) ……. stop. But wait, it gets better! If you’re at a bar you’ll memorize every piece of graffiti on the wall while performing this 30 minute ritual. Is Rhonda really a good time? And if I call that number, will any one answer? You almost don’t want to find out. If I play “connect the dots” with all the little stains on the wall, will I get a picture? You’ll yell “Go Niners” (or Ravens) with the person next you while hopefully realizing where you are before you actually fist bump.
With beer, you’ll need to burp on a continual basis. By the end of the broadcast, you’ll be inventing games like burping the alphabet or holding the burps down to see if they’ll really come out the other end. Oh, let the fun commence!
If you do decide to drink beer, here’s a fun experiment to try:
- Have a friend eat a bunch of potato chips.
- 15 minutes later, add copious amounts of beer.
- Sit back and watch as the entertainment begins while your buddy slowly expands to roughly the size of the Goodyear Blimp as the chips re-hydrate, swelling to their original size (when they were actually still a potato). They’ll be no room left to eat anything else, but strangely the test subject will continue to do so anyway.
Speaking of blimps (random side note here), can anyone else actually figure out why they continue to send the blimp to watch major sporting events even when they are played in a fricking dome? Hey, I like watching entertaining shots of parking lots and a big white roof as much as the next guy but seriously, couldn’t they find something slightly more entertaining – perhaps a game of Monopoly, a Lindsey Lohan court hearing, or a snail race?
On the other hand, what do you gain by drinking wine at a Super Bowl party? Are you trying to mimic the fancy pants celebrities in their suites, watching the game disconnected from all of their lunatic raving fans? Possibly. Doing so (especially at a Raiders game) may mean you’re avoiding getting stabbed. And as we’ve discussed before, wine can pair surprisingly well with a variety of foods found at Super Bowl or sporting event parties. BBQ? Dips and salsas? Shrimp? Grilled meats? A natural fit. Beer may go together with these items fine, but when they actually start having their party together in your stomach, that usually is a different story.
The only real problem with wine is how best to convey the said liquid into your waiting mouth while at a Super Bowl party, tailgate, or other sporting event. If you’re at someone’s house, no problem. They likely have a wine glass sitting around somewhere, or worst case scenario, a redneck wine glass made from a mason jar. Sure, it may not let the wine breath to it’s fullest extent, or allow you taste all the proper flavor notes … But that’s why you’re probably not bringing a $40 bottle of wine to a sports party. And if you’re at a tailgating event? I’d imagine a Beer Belly or Wine Rack tool would work pretty similar. Just make sure it’s an affordable bottle!
Whatever your choice is for the big game, just come prepared. As for us? What will we be drinking as we watch the Niners and the Ravens? You guessed it (or maybe you didn’t!) … Beer!